The unseen Burden: How elder Siblings become silent caretakers in working families
Growing up in a family where the elder sibling is tasked with responsibilities can often lead to emotional and psychological challenges’ I think this phrase “dear elder siblings, I hope you’re well,“ resonates with many who have had to shoulder the burden of caring for their younger siblings, acting as role models, and taking on responsibilities that are not age-appropriate.esoecially when both parents are working While parents may unintentionally place these expectations on their firstborns, the impact on the elder sibling’s mental health is profound. Kind of unseen burden
Elder siblings are often seen as natural caretakers, helping with school ,cooking , serving foods, helping with homework, and even looking after younger siblings in the absence of working parents. While these duties may seem like a natural part of growing up, they can inadvertently deprive children of their own childhood. Being expected to be a “second parent” can place immense pressure on the elder child, making them feel that their own needs are secondary. These constant demands may lead to suppressed emotions, as the elder sibling learns to prioritize others’ needs over their own.
One of the consequences I believe. of this role is the suppression of emotions. Often, elder siblings suppress their feelings because they feel the need to “be strong” for their family. Creates error in their mind This suppression can lead to anxiety, depression, and even issues with self-worth issues with adult relationships The emotional load of being the “responsible” one can often go unnoticed by parents, leading to feelings of neglect and frustration in the elder child.
One more aspect that is understood is That this unseen burden can arise in this situation is envy towards the younger sibling. When the elder sibling observes the younger sibling being treated more leniently or receiving less scrutiny for similar behaviour’s, it can trigger resentment. The elder child may feel as though they are held to a higher standard and punished more harshly for mistakes. These feelings of injustice can create a divide between siblings, leading to strained relationships that may persist into adulthood.
Parental Role in balancing such situations is very important
It is important for parents to recognize the heavy load placed on their elder children. While parenting a firstborn can be challenging due to inexperience, it is necessary to ensure that responsibilities are balanced and age-appropriate. Parents should refrain from overburdening the elder child with too many adult-like duties. It is essential to communicate openly with the firstborn and recognize their emotional needs, ensuring that they have time to enjoy their own childhood without constantly acting as a caretaker.
Some Research on the Psychological Impact
Research shows that overburdening children with familial responsibilities can have long-lasting effects on mental health. Studies indicate that firstborn children often experience higher levels of stress and anxiety compared to their younger siblings. They are more likely to internalize feelings of responsibility and guilt, which can affect their self-esteem and lead to emotional burnout.
Why it’s important to Support a Child Experiencing Emotional Distress
When we as a parent , siblings teachers, notices their child is going through emotional distress or facing a challenging situation, it’s important to handle it with care, patience, and understanding. , we can make a significant difference in how the child copes with their emotions. Here’s a straightforward, research-based intervention guide that emphasizes the importance of active listening, validation, coping strategies, and seeking professional support when needed:
- Go with Open Communication
Encouraging your child to talk openly about their feelings is the first step. Let them know it’s okay to express what’s bothering them. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where they feel heard and understood. Ask gentle questions to prompt the conversation, but avoid pushing them too hard. It’s important to let them share at their own pace.
Research shows that open communication strengthens the parent-child bond and allows children to express emotions that may otherwise be bottled up. Active listening encourages children to feel valued and understood.
2. Practice Active Listening
As as parents listening attentively without interrupting is key. Focus on what your child is saying, maintain eye contact, and show that you are engaged. It’s important to Avoid giving immediate advice or solutions unless they ask for them. Your child needs to feel that their emotions are being heard before any suggestions are made.
Active listening not only strengthens the emotional connection but also helps children feel validated. It helps them process their emotions and realize that it’s safe to express themselves.
3. Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings
Validate the emotions your child is experiencing. Whether they’re feeling upset, anxious, or overwhelmed, let them know that it’s okay to feel this way. Use phrases like “I understand this is tough for you” or “It’s okay to feel this way sometimes.” Validating their feelings reassures them that their emotions are natural and understandable.
Why it works?
Acknowledging emotions helps the child feel supported and understood. Validation fosters emotional regulation and helps children manage difficult feelings. Research highlights the importance of emotional validation in preventing emotional burnout and distress.
4. Provide Reassurance
Reassure your child that difficulties and challenges are a normal part of life, and it’s okay to experience them. Let them know you are there to support them, no matter what. Offering emotional security can reduce feelings of isolation or fear. Reassurance from a parent builds trust and provides a sense of safety. It reminds the child that they are not alone in their struggles and that they have a support system.
5. Seek Professional Help if Needed
If your child’s emotional struggles persist or seem to intensify, it might be necessary to seek professional help. A counselor, psychologist, or therapist can offer guidance tailored to your child’s unique needs. In Kashmir and across India, services like Tele-MANAS 14416 provide free, accessible counseling through a toll-free helpline, connecting individuals with trained professionals who can help them navigate their feelings.
We should remember that not everything is pathology, Professional support can offer structured help, providing child with the tools and coping strategies they may need. Mental health professionals can assess the situation, offer deeper insights, and provide a space for children to vent and learn valuable coping strategies.
Reflect on Your Own Experiences as an Adult.. Is it me?
If you, as a parent or adult, have experienced a similar burden of responsibility during your own childhood or felt overwhelmed by emotional pressures, it’s important to reflect on those experiences.
Acknowledging and understanding your own feelings can help you better support your child. Taking time to reflect allows you to separate past emotional experiences from your current role as a parent, which ultimately helps improve your parenting and emotional interactions with your child.
Self-awareness can help parentse mpathize with their children’s struggles and guide them more effectively. Research suggests that when parents are emotionally self-aware, they are better able to regulate their own emotions and provide supportive guidance to their children.
It’s important to remember that not every emotional struggle or challenging situation a child faces is a sign of a mental health disorder. While seeking professional help is essential when needed,Many people may associate seeking help with pathology or weakness, which can prevent us from accessing necessary support.
When seeking professional help, it is important to approach it with the understanding that mental health support is not just for those with severe disorders but is a valuable resource for everyone. Emotional difficulties like stress, anxiety, and even feelings of being overwhelmed are common and natural responses to life’s challenges, and they do not automatically mean that something is “wrong” with the individual.
